NOV 13, 2009 – 12:00AM

First of all, you shouldn’t have to disinfect yourself after handling this blog. I’m not contagious anymore.

At least, I don’t think so.

The week leading up to Halloween, my wife, son and I battled what I thought were head colds. No biggie. I actually had a bit of a fever, and trick-or-treating was a bit of a miserable experience, but within two days or so, all of us seemed to be pretty close to healthy again.

Then, over the weekend, the three of us regressed. Sunday, we headed to the clinic. The diagnosis: two sinus infections, one ear infection. That’s pretty impressive, actually: 75 percent of my immediate family fell ill simultaneously — twice — and the three of us went 3-for-3 on secondary infections. (For what it’s worth, my tween daughter, who generally wants nothing to do with any of the rest of us, ever, skated this time).

Antibiotics all around, and by early this week, most of us again were on the road to feeling pretty good.

Except miserable old me.

I was chilled and feverish and achy and congested and hacking for four days and slept every chance I’ve had.

And I haven’t ridden my bike in nearly a week.

Truth is, I haven’t much wanted to, not with the stuffy-head-short-of-breath-achy-dizzy-shivering-basically-I-just-want-to-curl-into-the-fetal-position-and-drift-away ickiness with which I’m afflicted.

My wife, who, incidentally, has no medical training, diagnosed me with the dreaded swine flu.

Given that I was immunized for the piglet flu and normally am largely unfazed by head colds and sinus infections, I’d say it makes sense that porcinitis did, in fact, sink its stinky hooves in me.

(At this point, to the Kansas politician who requested major news networks stop referring to it as swine flu, I have just one thing to say: swine flu swine flu swine flu. So there).

Whatever it is, it had me flat on my back for days. Riding was the last thing on my mind, and in a cruel twist, the weather, for the most part, has been unseasonably awesome for riding.

So I self-medicate and sleep, sometimes staring longingly out the window as a cyclist pedals by.

The good news is, I appear — finally — to be on the mend.

Just in time for it to snow.