FEB 15, 2010 – 12:00AM

I happened upon a national cycling magazine’s buyer’s guide recently and was intrigued by the tease on the cover, pointing readers to the world’s most expensive bike.

I flipped through the mag, marveling at the number of bikes priced in the five figures. I don’t think there was a bike under about $1,200, and that was described as entry-level.

That’s a lot of boxes of ziti, folks.

So I flipped between the $11,000 bikes and their “affordable” trickle-down relatives in the mere $5,000 to $6,000 range and wondered if the reader was supposed to puzzle out which of the pricey rides was the world’s most expensive.

I’m not so naive to think bikes that cost north of 10 large don’t exist. I’ve seen some, even if I wouldn’t trust myself to ride one.

I know “enthusiasts” — industry jargon for rich dudes who have been riding for a while, or richer dudes with more bucks than brawn — routinely drop 3 or 4 or 5,000 bucks on bikes without blinking.

Then I turned to the table of contents to see the actual world’s most expensive bike earned its own spread ahead of the buyer’s guide.

I leafed to the designated page and half expected harps to play as I feasted my eyes on what I was sure to be the most beautiful two-wheeled means of conveyance I’d ever imagined.

Meh.

Turns out, the world’s most expensive bike is a gold-plated single-speed made by a pretentious company in Denmark called AURUMANIA. The company “conceives, designs and produces wow-extravagant products with an unmistakable signature — the exuberant use of 24-carat gold and a bewitching identity.”

Sure enough, the world’s most expensive bike — heretofore known as the WMEB — is 24K gold plated, with more than 600 embedded Swarovski crystals.

The cost: 80,000 euros.

According to an online currency converter I found, that makes the WMEB cost $108,576. (Of course, given the volatility in the market and the dollar’s tenuous place in the world economy, that could jump over half a million bucks by the time this blog is posted. And, no, I really have no idea about the dollar’s volatility or its standing in the world economy, but, boy, didn’t I sound erudite?)

Now, I can justify the purchase of just about any bike made. Except this one.

And here’s why: If I drop 100 grand on a car, the first thing I want to do is drive the thing (after getting it properly tagged and insured, of course). But swing a leg over a bike worth as much as a small house? No thanks.

A $100,000 bike isn’t a bike. It’s art, and AURUMANIA makes it plain by offering a gold bike stand from which purchasers can hang their pricey rides. The stand costs a mere 5,000 euros (or $6,786, which is still a decent car).

I have to admit, the thought of pedaling that thing to and from work, glistening in the sun, would be amazing.

But I’m afraid I won’t be springing for one of the 10 limited-edition bling bikes anytime soon.

Luckily for me, AURUMANIA has a few more affordable models available — a more austere “gold bike,” without the Swarovski, more polished aluminum and less gold for just 21,000 euros ($28,501.20), and a “night bike,” a handsome “intensely black” single speed with 24K gold spokes for a downright reasonable 2,000 euros ($2,714.40).

Guess I’d better start pinching pennies.