MAR 9, 2009 – 12:00AM

A have a co-worker — we’ll call him Matt — who, bless his heart, can be mesmerized by pretty lights.

Just the other day, he was proudly showing off a small, battery-powered, hand-held fan that, thanks to the marvels of modern technology and a series of small lights on one of the blades, when turned on displays a series of patterns and blinking text. In this case, the message is “Rock Chalk Jayhawk.”

Oooooooohhhhhhhh … pretty … lights.

The ridiculous contraption tickled a synapse or two, and I recalled seeing a similar set-up for bicycle wheels, sparking a discussion that surprised even me by its length and lack of actual substance.

A quick Google search a couple of days later brought me to the website for Hokey Spokes.

Hokey Spokes are, to quote the website, “Hokey Spokes are transparent ‘blades’ that attach to your bicycle spokes. As these blades spin during riding, a computer inside the blades modulates the internal LED lights so that design images and custom text appear.

“The user can decide how many spokes in a variety of colors they want to place on the bicycle wheel. Up to 6 ‘Blades’ can be placed on each wheel. The more blades, the more visibility and persistence of vision at lower speeds. 2 Blades/Wheel look good, 3 Blades/Wheel look great, and more than three look amazing.”

Though I’ve not seriously considered springing for a set of Hokey Spokes, I have entertained what I’d look like rolling with ’em. Naturally, I’d settle for nothing less than three blades per wheel, because I’d insist on looking at least great, if not amazing.

While the designs are impressive — most remind me of moving Spirograph art on the roll — the most intriguing aspect is the user-programmed text.

And that’s why I’d never own Hokey Spokes.

A man of few (spoken, at least) words, I wouldn’t program them to say “HOWDY” or “HAVE A NICE DAY.” I’m afraid I’d have them read “BACK OFF, #$$*@!#” or “NICE #&$%ING DRIVING” or “HANG UP AND DRIVE.”

Or maybe I’d try to be funny. “IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU’RE TOO CLOSE” or “DIZZY MUCH?”

Maybe even a plug for my blog: “READ ROLLING ALONG AT LJWORLD.COM.”

No, I’d never roll with Hokey Spokes simply because I’d likely have them display something that would get me stomped.

And the last thing I need during an early-morning ride home that frequently coincides with watering-hole closing time is something both eye-catching and compelling. The last thing I need is some drunk pulling a little closer to try read my message.

As Matt would attest, pretty, spinning bright lights are hard to turn away from, and when you’re on top of them, you want just the opposite.